What’s in your heart?

NENG Heart

If you look into your heart, what do you see? Lately, I’m unsure. Maybe my uncertainty is because the past few months I’ve been tested. I am still recovering from surgery. Any physical activity I do causes swelling in my gland and inner ear. As a result, I am in pain. I haven’t had a pain free day yet. How is that possible?

My new goal is to get through one day without pain. I kept trying to test this pain. What if I do the airdyne? What if I try push-ups? I was trying to figure out what wouldn’t irritate me. Well…. I didn’t find anything. Any kind of physical activity does in fact make my pain worse! So, I have toned it all back and decided to try to reach the goal of being pain free for one day. I want to leave school and feel ok. I don’t want to have to lie down every day after work. I want to feel good. I want to feel “normal”.

Looking into my heart I’d usually see a fighter, I’d see fire. I’d see someone who loves what they do and uses this passion to help others in their pursuit of wellness. Now, I am questioning myself. Is the fire enough? Will I be able to compete again? Is this year even a possibility for me? My heart says, “Oh yes.” My body says, “Oh no!” I am hoping my heart will prevail! Wish me luck because eventually I will be starting my CrossFit journey from ground zero.

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4 thoughts on “What’s in your heart?

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart, your pain, your reality. I’m so sorry your hurting. I have learned its times like these that our “truth” must trump our reality. It sounds as if that is the case for you. I pray…its what I do…my only source of survival this past season has been a connection with my Saviour. I only say that so I don’t sound so trite when I tell you I will be praying for you during this intense and painful trial. You have incredible strength and power from within. That strength and power is reflected externally, as we can all see!!! Today I pray you will be pain free!

  2. Amy Murphy says:

    You are strong and surrounded by Love !!!

  3. Jess says:

    Alicia-you are literally one of the strongest people I have ever met both mentally and physically. You’ve always been someone I have looked up to as a person, athlete, strong independent woman. I know your heart will prevail and you won’t be starting your journey ground zero rather just continuing your amazing journey from a different standpoint!

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