What’s in your heart?

NENG Heart

If you look into your heart, what do you see? Lately, I’m unsure. Maybe my uncertainty is because the past few months I’ve been tested. I am still recovering from surgery. Any physical activity I do causes swelling in my gland and inner ear. As a result, I am in pain. I haven’t had a pain free day yet. How is that possible?

My new goal is to get through one day without pain. I kept trying to test this pain. What if I do the airdyne? What if I try push-ups? I was trying to figure out what wouldn’t irritate me. Well…. I didn’t find anything. Any kind of physical activity does in fact make my pain worse! So, I have toned it all back and decided to try to reach the goal of being pain free for one day. I want to leave school and feel ok. I don’t want to have to lie down every day after work. I want to feel good. I want to feel “normal”.

Looking into my heart I’d usually see a fighter, I’d see fire. I’d see someone who loves what they do and uses this passion to help others in their pursuit of wellness. Now, I am questioning myself. Is the fire enough? Will I be able to compete again? Is this year even a possibility for me? My heart says, “Oh yes.” My body says, “Oh no!” I am hoping my heart will prevail! Wish me luck because eventually I will be starting my CrossFit journey from ground zero.