Disappointment and Fun

I decided to try this whole blog idea.  I figured it was a great place to put down some of my thoughts and I’d love to hear the thoughts of others.  This post is going to be about my first individual CrossFit Games experience.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about well since I was sitting in the stands watching my competitors.  Honestly, the two words that come to mind are: disappointment and fun. 

I went into the games with the goal of having fun. Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself and don’t enjoy the process.  Well, I decided I wasn’t going to do that. And, I am happy to say I reached that goal. When I was running in Camp Pendleton I was hot and tired but in my mind I was having fun.  I was singing to myself, looking around at the scenery, trying to get a tan, and thinking about how happy I was to be able to partake in such an amazing experience.  I was at Camp Pendleton, a place I would never have gotten to see without CrossFit, a place where true heroes trained. I was honored.

As much “fun” I was having, Camp Pendleton was a trying event. Throughout, I kept telling myself that I could do this. For those of you that don’t know me, endurance is not my strength. There couldn’t have been a workout that I should have dreaded more.  I didn’t dread it though.  For some reason I was looking forward to it.  I wanted to know what I had, what was I made of?  Could I finish it? I really just wanted to finish.

When I crossed the finished line I literally started hyperventilating. I wasn’t sure what was overcoming me?  What was happening? But, all I could think was that I came in last. A few girls passed me in the run and a few when I was on the bike. Those few girls added up to the entire field to me. My goal was to finish it, but the thought of being last after all that work devastated me. I remember seeing Christy Phillips and telling her I think I came in last. I had a lump in my throat and was fighting back tears. The words echoed in my head, last. Being last was like all my worst fears coming out. I was a disappointment. Immediately Christy’s big smile and kind words made me feel better. I shrugged off the disappointment as I went into the Obstacle Course.  Hey, I finished it!

The Obstacle Course was more than FUN.  I loved this event. I did the best ranking-wise at this event, but that isn’t the sole reason I loved it.  I felt like we were a bunch of friends at a playground. I felt like a kid again! No one could’ve practiced for this event and that’s what made it even more special.  It was just a pure test of general fitness. I remember one of the girls saying that and it resonated with me.

Now, I could go through every event and what went right and what went wrong, but the fact of the matter is I came in 32nd.  For me, that isn’t good.  It is a disappointment. When I was leaving the stadium after being cut, my mom put her arm around me and said, “I know what you think, but 32nd in the world, Alicia.  You are 32nd in the entire world!  So many people wish they were in your spot.”  Those words put it in perspective for me. Although I was disappointed in myself, I did what I could.  I made some mistakes, okay I made a lot of mistakes, but I will learn from all of them. And, I know that there are elite Crossfitters that have trained just as hard and missed qualifying.  I was fortunate to have been able to compete among the best women in the world.

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I choose to focus on what I did well. I could talk about how I was hurt going into the games and give all the excuses in the book, but how is that going to make me better? It won’t. I finished every CrossFit workout given to me, not every athlete did.  I think that says something about my ability level.  You throw a workout at me, and I will finish it. I did not DNF anything.  I am pretty proud of that fact.  Of those CrossFit workouts at the Home Depot Center I was in the top 25, I think, in all of them.  Well, except the clean. We won’t get into that!

I couldn’t have asked for an experience where I enjoyed myself more.  I loved every workout that was programmed.  I loved all of the athletes I met. I loved the community of Outlaws, the community of Northeast athletes, and the community of friends and family that followed me out to the games.  I loved the crowd, the judges, and the amazing people that worked on us. I enjoyed every minute of the 2012 CrossFit Games, but yes I am disappointed in myself.  This disappointment will fuel my fire for the year of training ahead and the enjoyment I experienced will too.  I want to go back to the CrossFit Games, and I want to prove to myself that I am better.

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5 thoughts on “Disappointment and Fun

  1. John Mc Evoy says:

    From judging you on 12.4 at the Outlaw camp to watching you destroy the last workout at Regionals, then seeing you give everything you had at the games was extremely inspiring.

    People always say that you learn more from your failures than you do from your triumphs and even though finishing where you did is by no means a failure you obviously wanted to do better and you def figured out what you need to do to improve for next year.
    I honestly think that the only person at the games that is truly happy with the outcome is the person on the top of the podium.
    The quest to self mastery and well roundedness is never ending but all the fun is in the pursuit right!

    Thank you for posting this Alicia. I’m looking forward to seeing you out there again next year.

    • Alicia Marie says:

      Thank you John!! You are so right the fun is in the pursuit 🙂 I appreciate your insight! And I have forgotten how far I have come since that day you judged me. It’s definitely helps to look back. Best of luck with your training!

  2. Judi says:

    Alicia watching you at the games was so inspiring! Lindsay Starr and I would text back and forth on the days we were at work during the games talking about what we just heard/saw about you. Just so proud of you through every single event! You were the coach at my very first CrossFit WOD and made me excited to be there, and I know that you will hit your goals in this coming year 🙂 I can’t wait to see and hear all about it!
    -Judi

  3. Steve says:

    Never give up Alicia!
    http://www.bitly.com/inspiretheworld

    Looking forward to seeing you in the games next year!

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